The Jesus Geek's Guide to the Wacky World of "Theisms"

Agnosticism: While not really a "theism" in its suffix, it is still in this category because this is a doctrine that affirms to the uncertainty of all claims to ultimate knowledge or higher powers. Basically, an "I don't know" type of situation; an Agnostic is on the fence about higher deities. There may or may not be a Supreme Being but no one can prove it either way as of yet.

Allotheism: this is the belief or worship of strange Gods. However, what is strange to one person may be normal to another. To define oneself as believing in allotheism would indeed be strange, this is most likely a term applied to someone else when their Gods are not understood.

Animism: This is a belief that all natural things (objects, phenomena, and the universe itself) have souls or a spirit. It is also the belief in spiritual beings or agencies or a doctrine that the soul is the principle to health and life.

Atheism: the prefix means "non" in this case (think asexual) and means a disbelief in any supreme beings or any form of God.

Deism: this is best explained as either a belief in a God based on the evidence of reason or nature with rejection of supernatural evaluation. It may also mean a belief that God (s) exist but that they don't take part of our lives or that they created the world but are now indifferent to it.

Ditheism, Duo-theism or Bitheism: Di, Duo or Bi, meaning two, is the belief that there are two Gods of equal power such as in the religion known as Wicca that believes in male and female, known as the God and Goddess or Lord and Lady. Ditheism can also be said to be a belief in two antagonistic forces such as an inherently "good" God and an inherently "bad" God. By this definition Christianity could be considered Ditheistic with its beliefs in Satan and God rather than as a monotheistic religion.

Note: Duo-theism is used incorrectly, it is not a real word and the closest word to it is "dualism" which does not necessarily pertain to religion doctrines.

John R Robison: the definition of "bitheism" or what ever is incorrect in that in orthodox Christianity Satan isn't as powerful as God. If one takes a reading of Job properly, Satan isn't even God's adversary.

Cheryl Chambers Anway: Nice but the idea of duo-theism being "By this definition Christianity could be considered Ditheistic with its beliefs in Satan and God rather than as a monotheistic religion." is incorrect. It states that the gods would be equal-- good and evil. Since we think of Satan as pretunatural in nature rather than supernatural, like God, he is not equal. He is evil, but not equal.

Michael Phillips: John R might be describing dualism, an accurate term in describing some forms of Christianity where there is good / evil; light / darkness. However, there are texts which suggest bitheism, i.e., the 'god of this world' = satan. Sooo, like many things, it depends on whose ox is being gored, which axe is being sharpened, which "orthodoxy" is being defended or assaulted, in turn.

The definition conflating pantheism with panentheism is also incorrect -- pantheism is god is everything and everything is god, but panentheism says all that is in the cosmos is in God, but there is more to God than all that is in the cosmos. In other words, panentheism has a god that envelops / includes, but does not end at the margins of what is enveloped / included...

Paul Murdock: God created the angels, Lucifer is a fallen angel, and therefore cannot be equal to God in that a creation is less than the creator.....

Dystheism or Maltheism: That God or the Gods do exist but that they are all evil.

Egotheism or Autotheism: this is the doctrine of God's self-existence or the dedication and worship in oneself; self-worship.

Hedonism: the doctrine that pleasure or happiness is the highest good a person can achieve; it is a devotion to maintaining personal pleasure as a way of life.

Henothism: this may be defined as belief in more than one God, but that only one is supreme. Also to be used in the case of tribes or families who worship one God but don't deny the existence of others. Ancient polytheistic religions held beliefs similar to this, such as acknowledging that others had Gods but they did not worship them but instead worshipped the ones of their own culture. This was a common theme in the "Hercules" and "Xena" TV shows in which they often spoke of a race of people's other Gods but worshipped their own.

Hulo- or Hylotheism: this is the philosophical doctrine that identifies a God or Gods with that of matter. Worshipping a tree or a stone might be two examples, perhaps this is what the 10 commandments meant in stating that idolatry is a sin: worshipping an object is not really a religion, but according to this theism it is.

Kathenotheism: similar to Henotheism, this is the belief of more than one God but that only one at a time should be worshipped; each is supreme in its turn. Greek and Roman mythology could be said to follow this. The people of ancient Greece and Rome believed in all of the Gods of their people, but worshipped each one in turn depending on the requests or needs they had.

Misotheism: this is a doctrine that does not deny a God (s) existence, but rather is just an outright hatred of the God (s). It makes me wonder what has happened to a person that a plain and simple hatred has developed for all or any Gods.

Monolatry: this doctrine is a little confusing, or rather it is a little like multiple personality disorder. This is the belief in more than one God but that they are all expressions of the supreme God. In my opinion, to believe in this sounds rather like one God but he has many faces or personalities. I tell people that while my husband and I might work together as one unit, being a married couple, but that we are still our own unique persons and individuals.

Monotheism: this is the most common belief, that of one God. Christianity, Muslim, Catholicism and Judaism are such examples of Monotheism.

Donald Calvin Joseph Rice: i'm not catholic, but under the Monotheism description, i find it a bit insulting to list "Christianity....Catholicism" as if Catholics are not Christians. let's not give credence to that old evangelical protestant canard. being orthodox, i've had the same "charge" against me, too.

Thomas Prus: I'm a bit put off by this: "Christianity, Muslim, Catholicism and Judaism are such examples of Monotheism." Islam is the religion, Muslims are its adherents. Catholicism is one form of Christianity. I know the post isn't original, but this is a mistake.

Panatheism: this is the belief that because there is no God then nothing can be termed as a sacred or holy object. The statues, the places deemed holy, the artifacts such as the Holy Grail; all of these are just objects or places with no inherent holy value.

Pantheism, Panentheism or Cosmotheism: the belief that the universe is part of God and God is part of the universe; they are equivalent. God is the transcendent of reality and the matter and humans in the universe are only manifestations. It denies God's personality but identifies God with nature.

seeing_the_light, from Reddit.com: Pantheism and Panentheism shouldn't be lumped together, as Panentheism just says that God is ubiquitous, immanent and interpenetrates every part of nature, whereas Pantheism says that God is nature. It is an important distinction. Orthodox, for example, are Panentheists, but not Pantheists.

Polytheism: this is the belief that many Gods or Goddess exist. This is sometimes known as paganism, or any religion that is not monotheistic or non-abrahamic. Greek, Norse, Egyptian, Celtic and Native American are a few examples of polytheism.

Tritheism: the prefix, tri, means three and this is the belief that the three persons of the trinity are three distinct Gods, each one is an independent center of consciousness and determination. An example of a trinity is best known in Christianity with the belief in the Father, Son and Holy Ghost. Wicca also has a trinity of the 3 phases of the Goddess; Maiden, Mother and Crone. In Christianity the three people in the trinity are not viewed as separate beings but 3 in 1. However, in Wicca, the three are viewed as separate beings and represented by three different Goddesses.

outsider, from Reddit.com: Trinity isn't tritheism. It's one God who is three persons. Not three gods.

Source: Defining the Types of Theism

If you have any Theism jokes that aren’t mean, please share them. Here’s one:

Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac?

A: He stayed up all night wondering if there really was a dog.

A satirical illustration of other “isms”:

Note on Tyler Durden: Tyler Durden is a character in the novel, "Fight Club," by Chuck Palahniuk. Tyler is a charismatic, yet nihilistic anarcho-primitivist who despises consumer culture. He frequently describes and acts on his aversion to mass society, materialism, property, capitalism, and almost all technology and social order, going as far as vowing to annihilate civilization itself. Tyler's desired utopia is a neo-paleolithic paradise established in the post-apocalyptic ruins of industrial civilization. "Because of his nature," Tyler works night jobs where he sabotages companies and harms clients. He also steals left-over drained human fat from liposuction clinics to supplement his income through soap making and create the ingredients for bomb manufacturing, which will be put to work later with his fight club. He is the co-founder of Fight Club, as it was his idea to instigate the fight that led to it. He later launches Project Mayhem, from which he and the members commit various attacks on consumerism. Tyler is blonde, as by the narrator's comment "in his everything-blonde way". The unhinged but magnetic Tyler becomes the antagonist of the novel later in the story. -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fight_Club#Tyler_Durden

Endnote: With all the "Theisms," and "isms" out there, the one thing that made the difference for us was Jesus.  He provided a walking, talking example of everything we wouldn't expect from an all-powerful God, but everything we would want.  Things like humility, love, sacrifice, mercy, forgiveness, and a thousand other things. If it wasn't for Jesus, we can honestly say we wouldn't be Christians.  Because of him, we are.