Agnosticism: While not really a "theism" in its suffix, it is still in this category because this is a doctrine that affirms to the uncertainty of all claims to ultimate knowledge or higher powers. Basically, an "I don't know" type of situation; an Agnostic is on the fence about higher deities. There may or may not be a Supreme Being but no one can prove it either way as of yet.

Allotheism: this is the belief or worship of strange Gods. However, what is strange to one person may be normal to another. To define oneself as believing in allotheism would indeed be strange, this is most likely a term applied to someone else when their Gods are not understood.

Animism: This is a belief that all natural things (objects, phenomena, and the universe itself) have souls or a spirit. It is also the belief in spiritual beings or agencies or a doctrine that the soul is the principle to health and life.

Atheism: the prefix means "non" in this case (think asexual) and means a disbelief in any supreme beings or any form of God.

Deism: this is best explained as either a belief in a God based on the evidence of reason or nature with rejection of supernatural evaluation. It may also mean a belief that God (s) exist but that they don't take part of our lives or that they created the world but are now indifferent to it.

Ditheism, Duo-theism or Bitheism: Di, Duo or Bi, meaning two, is the belief that there are two Gods of equal power such as in the religion known as Wicca that believes in male and female, known as the God and Goddess or Lord and Lady. Ditheism can also be said to be a belief in two antagonistic forces such as an inherently "good" God and an inherently "bad" God. By this definition Christianity could be considered Ditheistic with its beliefs in Satan and God rather than as a monotheistic religion.

Note: Duo-theism is used incorrectly, it is not a real word and the closest word to it is "dualism" which does not necessarily pertain to religion doctrines.

John R Robison: the definition of "bitheism" or what ever is incorrect in that in orthodox Christianity Satan isn't as powerful as God. If one takes a reading of Job properly, Satan isn't even God's adversary.

Cheryl Chambers Anway: Nice but the idea of duo-theism being "By this definition Christianity could be considered Ditheistic with its beliefs in Satan and God rather than as a monotheistic religion." is incorrect. It states that the gods would be equal-- good and evil. Since we think of Satan as pretunatural in nature rather than supernatural, like God, he is not equal. He is evil, but not equal.

Michael Phillips: John R might be describing dualism, an accurate term in describing some forms of Christianity where there is good / evil; light / darkness. However, there are texts which suggest bitheism, i.e., the 'god of this world' = satan. Sooo, like many things, it depends on whose ox is being gored, which axe is being sharpened, which "orthodoxy" is being defended or assaulted, in turn.

The definition conflating pantheism with panentheism is also incorrect -- pantheism is god is everything and everything is god, but panentheism says all that is in the cosmos is in God, but there is more to God than all that is in the cosmos. In other words, panentheism has a god that envelops / includes, but does not end at the margins of what is enveloped / included...

Paul Murdock: God created the angels, Lucifer is a fallen angel, and therefore cannot be equal to God in that a creation is less than the creator.....

Dystheism or Maltheism: That God or the Gods do exist but that they are all evil.

Egotheism or Autotheism: this is the doctrine of God's self-existence or the dedication and worship in oneself; self-worship.

Hedonism: the doctrine that pleasure or happiness is the highest good a person can achieve; it is a devotion to maintaining personal pleasure as a way of life.

Henothism: this may be defined as belief in more than one God, but that only one is supreme. Also to be used in the case of tribes or families who worship one God but don't deny the existence of others. Ancient polytheistic religions held beliefs similar to this, such as acknowledging that others had Gods but they did not worship them but instead worshipped the ones of their own culture. This was a common theme in the "Hercules" and "Xena" TV shows in which they often spoke of a race of people's other Gods but worshipped their own.

Hulo- or Hylotheism: this is the philosophical doctrine that identifies a God or Gods with that of matter. Worshipping a tree or a stone might be two examples, perhaps this is what the 10 commandments meant in stating that idolatry is a sin: worshipping an object is not really a religion, but according to this theism it is.

Kathenotheism: similar to Henotheism, this is the belief of more than one God but that only one at a time should be worshipped; each is supreme in its turn. Greek and Roman mythology could be said to follow this. The people of ancient Greece and Rome believed in all of the Gods of their people, but worshipped each one in turn depending on the requests or needs they had.

Misotheism: this is a doctrine that does not deny a God (s) existence, but rather is just an outright hatred of the God (s). It makes me wonder what has happened to a person that a plain and simple hatred has developed for all or any Gods.

Monolatry: this doctrine is a little confusing, or rather it is a little like multiple personality disorder. This is the belief in more than one God but that they are all expressions of the supreme God. In my opinion, to believe in this sounds rather like one God but he has many faces or personalities. I tell people that while my husband and I might work together as one unit, being a married couple, but that we are still our own unique persons and individuals.

Monotheism: this is the most common belief, that of one God. Christianity, Muslim, Catholicism and Judaism are such examples of Monotheism.

Donald Calvin Joseph Rice: i'm not catholic, but under the Monotheism description, i find it a bit insulting to list "Christianity....Catholicism" as if Catholics are not Christians. let's not give credence to that old evangelical protestant canard. being orthodox, i've had the same "charge" against me, too.

Thomas Prus: I'm a bit put off by this: "Christianity, Muslim, Catholicism and Judaism are such examples of Monotheism." Islam is the religion, Muslims are its adherents. Catholicism is one form of Christianity. I know the post isn't original, but this is a mistake.

Panatheism: this is the belief that because there is no God then nothing can be termed as a sacred or holy object. The statues, the places deemed holy, the artifacts such as the Holy Grail; all of these are just objects or places with no inherent holy value.

Pantheism, Panentheism or Cosmotheism: the belief that the universe is part of God and God is part of the universe; they are equivalent. God is the transcendent of reality and the matter and humans in the universe are only manifestations. It denies God's personality but identifies God with nature.

seeing_the_light, from Reddit.com: Pantheism and Panentheism shouldn't be lumped together, as Panentheism just says that God is ubiquitous, immanent and interpenetrates every part of nature, whereas Pantheism says that God is nature. It is an important distinction. Orthodox, for example, are Panentheists, but not Pantheists.

Polytheism: this is the belief that many Gods or Goddess exist. This is sometimes known as paganism, or any religion that is not monotheistic or non-abrahamic. Greek, Norse, Egyptian, Celtic and Native American are a few examples of polytheism.

Tritheism: the prefix, tri, means three and this is the belief that the three persons of the trinity are three distinct Gods, each one is an independent center of consciousness and determination. An example of a trinity is best known in Christianity with the belief in the Father, Son and Holy Ghost. Wicca also has a trinity of the 3 phases of the Goddess; Maiden, Mother and Crone. In Christianity the three people in the trinity are not viewed as separate beings but 3 in 1. However, in Wicca, the three are viewed as separate beings and represented by three different Goddesses.

outsider, from Reddit.com: Trinity isn't tritheism. It's one God who is three persons. Not three gods.

Source: Defining the Types of Theism

If you have any Theism jokes that aren’t mean, please share them. Here’s one:

Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac?

A: He stayed up all night wondering if there really was a dog.

A satirical illustration of other “isms”:

Note on Tyler Durden: Tyler Durden is a character in the novel, "Fight Club," by Chuck Palahniuk. Tyler is a charismatic, yet nihilistic anarcho-primitivist who despises consumer culture. He frequently describes and acts on his aversion to mass society, materialism, property, capitalism, and almost all technology and social order, going as far as vowing to annihilate civilization itself. Tyler's desired utopia is a neo-paleolithic paradise established in the post-apocalyptic ruins of industrial civilization. "Because of his nature," Tyler works night jobs where he sabotages companies and harms clients. He also steals left-over drained human fat from liposuction clinics to supplement his income through soap making and create the ingredients for bomb manufacturing, which will be put to work later with his fight club. He is the co-founder of Fight Club, as it was his idea to instigate the fight that led to it. He later launches Project Mayhem, from which he and the members commit various attacks on consumerism. Tyler is blonde, as by the narrator's comment "in his everything-blonde way". The unhinged but magnetic Tyler becomes the antagonist of the novel later in the story. -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fight_Club#Tyler_Durden

Endnote: With all the "Theisms," and "isms" out there, the one thing that made the difference for us was Jesus.  He provided a walking, talking example of everything we wouldn't expect from an all-powerful God, but everything we would want.  Things like humility, love, sacrifice, mercy, forgiveness, and a thousand other things. If it wasn't for Jesus, we can honestly say we wouldn't be Christians.  Because of him, we are.

At an ecumenical gathering, an Orthodox Christian, a Catholic, and an Episcopalian were standing in a large room that had a burnt out light in the ceiling above. The director of the gathering came into the room and asked the three if they could get the light bulb changed. The Episcopalian said: “Well, we can form a committee, study the issue for 10-15 years, publish a communique, and get it changed then.” The Catholic said: “Well, what we can do is send the information to the Vatican, where a papal body will investigate the claims made of the need to change this light bulb, and after about 500-600 years, the Pope will call an Ecumenical Council and ask the Bishops of the Church to vote on the findings. If it gets that far, the light bulb will be changed.” The Orthodox, looking a bit befuddled, said: “What is this ... ‘change?’”

Kathleen Schultz Heard: it as “How many Lutherans does it take to change a light bulb?”----same punch line.

Colin Leach: Alternatively for the Orthodox: “The Orthodox changed the light bulb, but only after consulting the Venerable Barsanophius of the Holy Mountain and discovering that patristic tradition says it is permissible to change lights at all other times except during Great Lent, Advent, and the Apostles’ Fast.”

Kate Nolan: In the meantime, a nun just changed the bulb and moved on to other work.

David Cheung: Being Orthodox, I find that funny. erhrm...IS AN OUTRAGE!!!

Paula Trietsch Chaney: And along came a United Methodist who recognized the darkness, changed the light bulb and provided light for all.

Caitlin ‘Cake’ Gateaux: And the Charismatic changed the bulb since his hands were already up there any way.

Lauren Leach-Steffens: I’m a Quaker, and we didn’t notice that the bulb was burned out, because we sat in a circle and focused on the Inner Light.

Donna Stephens: Meanwhile, the Unitarian Universalists had an evening discussion group on whether there was a way to find out if the light bulb wanted to be changed, if change was possible, if change would actually be a good thing, and finally decided that the matter was pressing enough that they held a vote and their congregation unanimously resolved that it would only buy fair trade coffee in future.

Laura Boustani: Oh....I just saw Donna’s post. Right on the money! Well, and once they decide to make the change, they’d change ALL the light bulbs to make sure all light bulbs are treated equally.

Renee L. Orth: You all forgot about the Methodist potluck right after to celebrate the changing of the bulb!

Jerod J Husvar: The Zen Buddhist sat and contemplated the need for light. The agnostic decided that there might be a bulb to change, but couldn’t pick one.

Kevin J. Rice: The Unitarian wanders into the room and overhears this. He leaves, drives his Prius to the hardware store, buys an LED bulb, comes back and replaces the Bulb, knowing that you must be the change you want to see in the world. He then invites them over to a pot luck with some Jews and Buddhists so they can talk starting a neighborhood soup kitchen.

Sue Tathwell Wille: Also forgot the Presbyterians standing by to make sure it’s all done Decently and in Order.

The Christian Left: Renee, The Lutherans will bring a Jell-O sculpture to the potluck. ;)

Kevin Stohlman: AND beer.

Floyd Miller: The Amish man asked, “What’s a light bulb?”

Charles Vladimir Fee: Potluck? OM NOM NOM NOM.

Marty Veltkamp: We always joke about the Christian Reformed elders wondering what “change” was, too!

Marty Veltkamp: Hilarious! This is the best post you guys have done yet! We desperately need to laugh at ourselves.

Aunt Meldy: Why wasn’t an Independent Catholic invited?

Steve Fay Old: Mayor Daily, a priest, and a rabbi were adrift in a lifeboat way out in the middle of Lake Michigan. They had so little food left that they came to realize that all three would starve before either another craft found them or they drifted to shore, if they shared it, but that one might live, if the other two of them volunteered to swim away and let the Lord’s will be done. So they decided to take a vote on who should remain in the boat. A stub of pencil was found, and a slip of paper was torn in three. And when the votes were counted, Mayor Daily won: 15-1-1.

Terrie Huff Warren: and an evangelical would have passed laws against the evils of electricity - the Devil’s Magic!

Matt Donnell: Very good! But let’s not beat around the bush here. Change “Orthodox” to” Evangelical”, and then it will be understood by even - well, the Evangelicals!

Cindy Tony: As an orthodox Christian...that was a good one :)

Jennifer McNulty: Then Jesus showed up and said “ I am the light! Start the Feast of Cana! Or the potluck, whatever ya got goin’ on...”

Charles Williams: must be with the Orthodox, then. the line here is ‘how many Vermonters does it take to change a light bulb? four. one to change the bulb and three to sit around and talk about how good the old one was.’

Cory M. Warren: you forgot the fundamentalist, who blamed the bulb burning on gays and women working outside the house.

Kevin J. Rice: ‎... and then a Hindu showed up, knew that Divali was coming up, and replaced the light fixture with a massive candelabra of all different color bulbs.

Marian L Shatto: Moravians would ask our Archivist to check what Zinzendorf and Spangenburg might have said about it. Receiving an affirmation of the process, we would then submit a written request to the Board of Trustees to be forwarded to the head sexton, who would assign one of his assistants to complete the task, after which the pastor would write a 15 verse hymn about the new light and we would celebrate with a Love feast.

Hugh Elwood: And the Baptist said, “Nope! Changin’ a light bulb looks too much like dancin’!”

Kate Cabot: As an Episcopalian, I would differ on this. Our church would have had a pot luck to get a work crew together, followed by a “Blue Jeans Sunday” where the work crew would all have discussed changing the light bulb, followed by an hour and a half spent looking for the big ladder that the sexton used the last time but then put away in another part of the basement after the fall fair-- eventually the rector would change the light bulb anyway, cause he’s the only one who knew where the ladder was.

Keith Oatman: and the progressive Christian asked where the stepladder and fresh light bulbs were.

Susan Kelly Caldwell: The Unitarian Universalist version I heard has the light bulb issue passing through a number of committees and covenant groups, including the RE Committee, who want safe, sufficient lighting for the children, the pagan group, who prefer the natural light, the Green Sanctuary committee who do a study of light bulb energy efficiency. Finally the Light Bulb Issue becomes the topic of a congregation-wide small-group visioning process, and at some point during all of it, a renter changes the bulb.

Susan Kelly Caldwell: Oh, and one morning, a Catholic priest and a Buddhist monk were having breakfast together. The priest suddenly looked into the tub of heart-healthy butter substitute and said, “God be praised! I see the face of Jesus!” The monk looked into the tub and said, “I can’t believe it’s not Buddha!” Ba-DUMP-bump!

Lynne Cole: As one who grew up Episcopalian, went to Catholic school and wound up Methodist in the reddest of the Bible Belt red states, let me say ... BAAAHAAAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAAA!

Robert J. White: As an Episcopalian, I must agree with Kate, though at my parish we would most certainly involve any number of frosty malt beverages, at which point someone would forget where the light bulb went to, then the senior warden would change the whole light fixture....

Chef Lee Panache: My Episcopalian pastor used to joke that our emergency fire instructions were to “form a grand procession and march out.”

Joyce Sheldon McKnight: And the Mennonite pulled a light bulb out of his toolkit, reached up and changed it!

Ellen Harvischak: Thank- you Lord that it wasn’t a Polish joke this time!! :)

Anne Dachel Risen: But how many Lutherans would it take to change the light fixture? ten! one to change it, and 9 to stand and shake their head saying that the old one was good enough and would have worked just fine.

The Christian Left: Michele Bachmann would write a Bill to forbid the impediment of her freedom to make the choice of whether or not to change the light bulb at all!